I have been banned from my permanent account. Great.

First. I have too much time alone. and I have too much time to think. Also, now that I'm back to work (part-time) I am wishing I had more time in the day again. Time to do what I wanted, when I wanted. when I had all the time in the world, and nothing to do and no place to be and no one to be alone with. just me and my thoughts. and my dog.and my cats. I've decide to try journaling again. I miss the nightly brain barfing I used to do. Only now do I realize how helpful and healthy it was to do this. Only now. After almost 16 years of therapy that I can't tell is or isn't working, and a pharmacy full of unused medications that I'm pretty sure didn't/don't work, and unhelpful counselors, and doctors and psychiatrists telling me different mental illness I have, and not believing me that I think I have other illness that they're not treating (I think I have autism and know I have ADD, maybe a touch of OCD, and maybe a touch of dermatillomania - thank you Jenny Lawson for that last one) and the life altering ordeal of losing my federal health benefits...what was I talking about? {pause while calm down from getting angry again about losing my health benefits and so I can read what I just wrote to figure out what I was writing about}... Ok. Sorry. No idea where I was going with that trainwreck. That's a shame. I bet it was a good thought at some point. But I get angry and upset when I think about OPM retirement lady. I'm traumatized by her and she doesn't even know it. She f*cked me over and didn't even care. {deep breaths} ok. ...Oh. The title of this post - yes. I remember. I just tried to log in to my permanent LiveJournal account (an account I created back when the internet was just a modem baby...I get nostalgic whenever I hear that weird electric modem sound that everyone anxiously and excitedly waited to hear). I miss those days. I wish I had appreciated them more. My younger carefree-ish days. My wasted years as I shall call them. But that's for another post because I'm getting upset and angry thinking about those years, when I should be waxing nostalgic happily with my girlfriends while we sip wine and laugh at a joke that only we would get because you had to be there. I really think I need to be back on Adderall. I can't keep these trainwrecks of my thoughts in the bus lane today. {pause to reread what I just wrote}. Ok. I tried to login to my LiveJournal.com account where I had attempted to keep all my thoughts (and I have some of my favorite precious thoughts there; my most favorite being the one that I posted 3 years before my son was even a dot that lists all the baby names that I liked - his name being the first that came to me for a boy, Ariana Marie if it was a girl)...tangent coming...aaand nope. I am going to finish this thought. I can't login to my LiveJournal account where this blog post should go with all my other babbling thoughts BUT...I CAN"T login because first it popped up in French. And then it told me my "IP address is temporarily banned". Wait. What? I have never seen this error before. I am intrigued. ...And then I remember that somewhere in the beginning I had noticed (right after I purchased my permanent lifetime account) that I had noticed .ru and today...after I changed the language to English it'still loaded the page with RUSSIAN and I don't speak or read French or Russian. What the what is going on here? So anyway this is all to say I will be posting my babbling random thoughts here for all of eternity to have. And the hacker who is trying to steal my money...but I say go ahead hacker dude. I don't have any money for you to steal. and I stole $1000 from a scammer. Well I didn't steal it. He literally gave it to me. $1000. and then asked for it back a day later. sucker. If you needed it so bad for your sick daughter's operation you shouldn't be giving away $1000 to strangers and then get mad when they don't give it back. I don't care about your sick daughter. or you for trying to scam me. I have hit almost rock bottom sir and you just helped me out. so thank you for your unintentional act of doucheeeness. doucheyness? doucheiness? I don't know if that's a real word but it's the word I want. Trying to say doo-she-ness but something gets lost in translation here I think.

Am I old, or am I getting fat?

standing in the shower - fat getting out of the shower - old standing in front of the bathroom mirror - old and fat. WTF?! where did my sexy 30-year-old body go? Oh. That's right, I gave it up for my son. Worth. every.penny. That last sentence sounds a little weird - and needs clarification i think. Like: I gave it up and had my son, not that i paid money to buy a kid. That's human trafficking and I'm absoluetly against that {insert side note, or tangent?... I dont know. I'm losing the taxi, no about to miss my bus stop wait. I wanted to talk about how i was almost human trafficked; well wait I kinda was because I was adopted but adoption is kinda like human trafficking but harder to do even though its legal. i completeley forgot what i was talking about so {insert my social awkwardness and anxiety into the driver seat}. good-bye.

Wanna talk?

Chat with Tara Thomas

Blizzard of '09 - Jacob's first snow

Well, we survived the Blizzard. Jacob was fascinated with the falling snow briefly. We have yet to go out and play in it. Can't wait to see his reaction.

What would Jesus Download?

An old video from my church got spotlighted on tv tonight!

On tonight's Nightline they had a story (webcast of the story here)talking about GodTube.com, a counterpart to YouTube. And as they showed examples of some of the videos on the website some familiar faces popped up...from my church! It is one of the popular videos made by a former pastor for one of the Sunday sermons (I must have missed that week because I don't remember seeing this video before, but this is a good example of what my church, New Life is like. They're quirky, crazy, and a lot of fun.

Check out this video: Baby Got Book - OFFICIAL Directors Cut



Add to My Profile | More Videos

I'm so happy to see this kind of news on TV for a change; something positive instead of all the negative and bad stuff going on in the world.

What Is Your Inner Desire?

Love Lucky you, you're in love! Sure all your partner's traits are a bonus, but when it comes down to it, you love them for who they are and not what they are. Your's is the love books and cheesy Lifetime movies were made for.....

How do you compare? Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

In the beginning

Hello, and welcome to my world. I'm usually on LiveJournal, but I like FREE so am trying this one out as an alternative. I don't post regularly and usually babble randomly about nothing important (to any of you out there), but love comments (reading and getting them).